


No Guilt

by missblatherskite



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, alec is not ashamed of who he is, alec/jace is only mentioned and completely one sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 06:49:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missblatherskite/pseuds/missblatherskite
Summary: He thought he should be ashamed, but he wasn't.





	No Guilt

He was never slapped in the face with a great realization. It just came to him over time. He liked boys. He _liked_ boys. He was gay. And that was just how it was.

 

He thought he ought to feel some shame in it, that he ought to wish he was different. But he didn’t. Jace, his feelings for Jace made him ashamed—but being attracted to men in general? No. He felt comfortable in that knowledge.

 

He didn’t mind the fantasizing when it wasn’t about Jace. He felt no guilt thinking about a handsome shadowhunter visiting from another institute, or a mundane he’d passed in the street, while he touched himself. No guilt after he came.

 

But he knew he could never be open about who he was, could never actually be with a man. He had a life planned out, he knew what he wanted, and coming out would never be a part of that. It was okay, mostly. He didn’t want anyone other than Jace, and Jace would never want him. So he kept it to himself, no great sadness in having to.

 

Magnus complicated things, complicated everything. Because he _liked_ Magnus. He was attracted to Magnus the moment he saw him, and that only grew once he had really talked to him. He didn’t love him, but he’d never felt like this about anyone other than Jace. He wanted him more than he could say.

 

When he though of Magnus he thought of the butterflies in his stomach, the smiles he pulled out of him, the intimacy he felt when it was just the two of them. He thought of kissing him, of touching him. He wanted things he shouldn’t, a future he couldn’t have.

 

When he finally kissed Magnus he was lost in it. The touch of his lips, the taste of him. And with it he was free, no more hiding. Everything out in the open. And it felt wonderful.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is always welcome.


End file.
